5 WAYS TO KEEP COMPARISON FROM STEALING YOUR JOY!
Did you know that comparison can actually be healthy for you? You can use comparision to inspire you!
Yeah, that surprised me too!
I had my doubts, but, turns out, I was wrong!
I set out to write a blog post about how horrible it is for you to compare yourself to what we see online.
Instead, I learned just how comparison can be used to improve your experiences of yourself.
“It’s [comparision] one of the most basic ways we develop an understanding of who we are,
what we’re good at, and what we’re not so good at.”
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Theodore Roosevelt
On the bad side of comparison, we might find ourselves limiting what we do because:
“I can’t join the hike because I’m slower than other women in the group.”
“I can’t be the host because my house is not as big as so-and-so’s.”
“I can’t apply for that job because I didn’t go to as great a college as the person who use to have the job.”
“My children are louder and more active than hers, so I must not be as good of a parent as she is.”
I see it all the time from women who wish they could do a boudoir session, but have convinced themselves its for somebody with longer legs, a narrower waist, bigger and perkier breasts, and on and on with the something or another they think isn’t right about themselves.
STOP ALL OF THAT!
That negativitity is not all there is to comparision!
How do we get out of the pattern of limiting ourselves and into the practice of using comparision to inspire us to new heights?
Practice Gratitude!
When you practice gratitude and give thanks for what you have, it is a lot easier not to compare your style, looks, things, family, job, ideas to those of someone else because we have positive outlook in general on yourself and your things.
And, a Gratitude Practice does not have to be hard!
It can be as simple as writing down 3 things a day you are grateful for in your life - people, fun experiences, getting through a hard time, skills, jobs, clothing, pets, etc. Really, if anything makes you feel something positive - be grateful for that!
Gratitude is the lynch pin for all of the next steps!
2. Focus On Your Strengths!
You have strengths, and it is time to focus on them!
When you know your strengths you don’t feel quite so much like you need the different strengths you think someone else has.
Think of your strengths in these areas (and any others that are important to you):
Relationships;
Your job;
Your parenting;
Your appearance;
Your style
Your hobbies; and
Your Spirituality.
If you aren’t sure what you strengths are, it’s time to sit with a trusted friend or family member (or two) and ask them what they perceive are your strengths. You might be surprised to find that your strengths align very well with your values - that always feels amazing!
And don’t forget to recognize how those strengths have brought good things into your life and be grateful for that!
3. Compete with yourself, not with others!
This is a mantra amongst the supportive women I meet with monthly to focus on marketing skills. Am I better at marketing than I once was? If yes, that is a win!
I’m a naturally competitive person. But it is just as satisfying to beat my past performances as it is to beat someone else’s performance. Especially in the gym, where I have seen so much improvement even if I am not the fittest person in the room.
And it is much healthier to compete with myself. It keeps me on track for my goals because I am competing about things that are important to me and benefit me.
So, look back at where you were 1 year ago, 3 years ago, 5 years ago, and recognize how far you’ve come! That is a beautiful thing!
4. Use Comparison In A Healthy Way - BE INSPIRED!
It is great to be inspired! One of my favorite things about social media is to look at the work of other artists - photographers to painters to potters to textile makers all inspire me greatly! Except for the photography, I can’t do any of those things, but the beauty of their work inspires me to try some new things in my photography as I pursue the making of beauty.
I remember being in a wreath making class where certain dried botanicals were offered. I loved their texture, but as they sat there on the work surface, I had no idea how to use them in my wreath. But oh, I wanted to.
So, I looked at what others were doing with them and became inspired! I didn’t do quite the same thing, but seeing what they did really helped me to begin to envision how the shape and texture would fit in with the creation I had started!
Remember the saying: "‘imitation is the most sincere form of flattery!’ If someone else has a great idea, it is perfectly fine to use that idea.
And, a pro-tip here: Be kind enough to tell the inspiring person that you loved their idea and appreciate the inspiration. That may lead to a connection you might come to value greatly! And it will definitely make you both feel good!
5. Stop Scrolling and Start Connecting!
Social Media is the comparison devil in many circles. It can be a very intense environment for making not-so-helpul comparisons if you are passive about how you use it.
You won’t be surprised to learn that studies show that scrolling on social media induces anxiety and depression. And many women have told me they hate social media because it makes them feel bad due to comparison.
My response: “So, don’t scroll! “
Instead, controll your feed and engage with the accounts you choose to follow.
Using Instagram as an example, here is a quick process to control what you see:
Go to the word “Instagram” at the top left of your feed (you have to scroll up to where the stories show), and click on the word.
A drop down will show allowing you to see your feed with only your the accounts you are following, or with only the accounts you starred as a favorite. Choose which one is best for you. BUT if you do not choose anything, you will see accounts you don’t follow but Instagram thinks you might like.
Note, you have to do this each time you open the app to get what you want. But fortunately it is a quick process! And, you will still see some ads, but fewer, and no “suggested for you” posts.
And if you want to go back to seeing more - and seek additional inspiration - simply close and reopen the app and you’ll be back at full speed.
Now that you know how to control what you will see, it’s time to make this an interactive experience instead of a mindless scroll of visual imput.
The accounts you see are selected by you, it’s time to hit that little heart button, make some comments, read the captions, save the ones you want to refer back to in the future, and share the ones you think would be encouraging to your friends. Not only will it benefit you to be proactive in your viewing, but it will make your friends and social media acquaintences feel valued.
MOST IMPORTANT TO A GOOD INTERACTIVE EXPERIENCE ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Don’t be negative.
If you don’t like the way one of your friends or favorite businesses posted something, you should scroll down to the next post. If it is really offensive to you, quietly unfollow. It is not your obligation to correct everyone when you don’t have the energy to do so in a non-stressful manner. No need to become a keyboard warrior!
And all of this also applies to Facebook, Twitter, and any other form of social media.
Now that you are can keep comparison from stealing your joy, its time to go out and have some fun!
What is Your Next Step?
Its time to reclaim your joy in a big way and celebrate who you are right now!!
Might I suggest a celebration of you with a Strong Confident Femininity boudoir session. We will create images of you that are beautiful, unique, and reflective of how you want to be seen - not compared to anyone else, not tailored to anyone else’s expectations. Just beautiful images of you, your strengths and your femininity!
You can start the process by going to this Welcome Guide - for you to view in your own private way as you consider if you are ready to build your Strong confident Femininity
ABOUT STRONG CONFIDENT FEMININITY:
Susan Beth of Strong Confident Femininity, is a boudoir photographer with a unique perspective. She photographs you how you want to be seen, instead of how you think your partner wants to see you. Because that’s the way you will feel best about your images and yourself. She celebrates the uniqueness and intimate beauty of your strong confident femininity with flattering, tasteful, and stunning boudoir photographs.