3 Characteristics of Effective Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are quite popular these days. They are potentially effective ways of helping to bring about a healthier mindset for many people. And I believe they are a tool that women can use to develop their Strong Confident Femininity, if they are done well.
But, not all affirmations or affirmation practices are designed for success. And if you are going to put the effort in, you surely want to find some success.
My goal here is to help you find a way to effectively use positive affirmations by encouraging you to seek the following three characteristics in your affirmations and your practice of affirmations:
Affirmations need to be grounded in reality.
Affirmations need to resonate with you personally in a concrete way.
Affirmation practices need to be realistic for you, your life, and your level of self-discipline - yes, your practice may look different than mine or any of your friends and family and still be highly effective.
THE BASICS:
Before we dive into those three characteristics, let’s start with a basic definition of an affirmation - so we are on the same page:
“[T]hey are positive phrases or statements used to challenge negative or unhelpful thoughts.“
Did you catch that - they are for the purpose of counteracting negative or unhelpful thoughts.
Another thing to note about affirmations is they are about “identifying, in really concrete ways, the kind of things about yourself that you really value.” (David Creswell, Carnegie Mellon University Self-Affirmation Researcher).
AFFIRMATIONS NEED TO BE GROUNDED IN REALITY
I make no secret of my belief that much of the negative self talk many women experience is based on lies.
Lies about their bodies and their beauty.
Lies about their lovability.
Lies about their accomplishments.
Lies about their relationships.
Lies about their basic value as a human being.
Lies about their abilities.
By definition, those lies are not based in reality.
And, over the years I’ve heard it said, and observed for myself, you cannot stop believing a lie simply by telling yourself “Don’t believe that.” You have to replace the lie with a truth - a statement that is based in reality.
So, when finding affirmations, make sure you really believe them. It has to be true, and based on reality or it will not work!
EXAMPLE:
I personally can struggle with the following lie: “I cannot be attractive because I am overweight.”
I cannot replace that lie with another lie such as “I am a size 4 and a picture of fitness, therefore I am attractive.”
But, I can instead (and do) remind myself that:
“I like how I look in well fitting clothing.” or “I have green eyes, luxuriously long dark hair, and blemish-free skin, and these in combination are classic characteristics of beauty.”
By making my affirmation a statement of truth, I can remind myself that I am can enjoy my appearance, and my weight is not the only factor that goes into my appearance.
Affirmations that are built on reality are amazing for bringing about a positive mindset on whatever subject we are struggling with.
2. AFFIRMATIONS NEED TO RESONATE WITH YOU PERSONALLY IN A CONCRETE WAY.
This one is a little tricky because it really has two parts: resonating and being concrete. But determining what resonates is not always a concrete concept.
RESONATES WITH YOU:
One of the measures of how an affirmation resonates with you is whether it fits in with your values. This is super important, especially when you are contemplating an affirmation that is suggested by someone else.
I had the experience of hiring a coach to help me advance some goals in my business. She used a lot of affirmations around making lots of money and having lots of great things because you make lots of money. But the fact is, that didn’t resonate with me at all.
Yes, I want a profitable business, but that is not what motivates me in having this business. If I wanted tons of money, I would never have left being a high paid litigation attorney for big companies. I choose to do what I do not because it makes me a ton of money, but because I love the impact on other women, I enjoy the craft of photography, I’m excited and fulfilled by making images that are beautiful and I have always felt a calling on my heart to encourage and support other women.
Needless to say, while I respect and genuinely like that coach, I did not continue coaching with her because the mainstay of her coaching was affirmations that rubbed me the wrong way. Please note, I am not suggesting that affirmations about money are bad. Just because something isn’t my personal value doesn’t mean that I disapprove of it for someone else.
As it turns out, a better affirmation for me relative to creating a successful business is something along the lines of: “My images move women to celebrate their femininity.” or “My work helps to build confidence in the women who appear in front of my camera.” Those are statements that resonate with me, and if I am doing the work to keep those statements true, I will be motivated to run my business in a way that brings the financial resources I need so that I can keep doing what I love.
CONCRETENESS
To be concrete, an affirmation has to be measurable and/or something you can experience.
Using my values based affirmations above as an example, I can measure whether my images move a woman to celebrate her femininity by listening to what she says when she sees the images. If she tells me how amazed she is to see herself in such a beautiful way, or sends a note talking about how confident she feels from the Strong Confident Femininity experience, I know I achieved success.
This concrete aspect of affirmations often leads to some editing and honing of the affirmation after your first hear it or think of it. And that is where resonating and concreteness begin to merge - as you edit, you will find that the affirmation becomes more personalized to you, and that is a very good thing!
3. YOUR AFFIRMATION PRACTICE NEEDS TO BE REALISTIC FOR YOU
There is no magic formula for exactly how often, at what times, and for how long you need to say or write your affirmations.
Once you have some affirmations that you feel connected and uplifted by, that address the things you need addressed, start with a couple minutes one or two times a day of saying or writing your affirmations. Then, add in an additional time each day. If that doesn’t work, go back to what does work for you.
The most important aspect of an affirmation practice is that it be consistent, and you give it enough time to take effect (not minutes in a day time so much as day after day after day of saying it until it is engrained in your thoughts so thoroughly you think of it when you need it.
My most effective affirmation ever is “I know I can do hard things because I’ve done hard things before.” I’ve repeated this to myself many many times over the past 5 years or so. But at this point, I rarely say it on a daily basis. I say it when I am facing something I need to do that I think is going to be hard.
At this point it is so engrained in me that it pops into my mind anytime something hard comes my way.
For some people, writing their affirmations out is the most effective way to integrate it into their thinking - I am one of those. My son, would hate each and every affirmation that he had to physically write out because the act of writing is unpleasant to him (good thing he was born in the digital age.)
The point is, do your affirmations in a way that you will be able to do them consistently.
HOW TO FIND AFFIRMATIONS:
Let’s face it, we are not all great at making up affirmations from thin air. We need a place to start, some inspiration, something that someone else came up with but we want to try.
I have found affirmation prompts by listening to others and what they say works for them.
I have found affirmations via a Google search that is “Affirmations about _______.” The list of hundreds of affirmations are right there on the computer screen for me.
When it was suggested by a trusted mentor that I provide my followers with a list of affirmations that are consistent with Strong Confident Femininity’s values, I went to Google and curated a collection of affirmations that I can stand behind. Some I lifted whole-cloth from others, some I used as inspiration and edited to be what I thought was better.
I put those affirmations into a beautiful PDF illustrated by line drawings of the beauty of women. It is printable and very usable. I encourage you to pick and choose the ones that work for you. They are divided into subjects from body image to confidence to self-esteem.
To get this little gift to you, click the button below.
I hope all of this helps you decide whether using positive affirmations is right for you!
ABOUT STRONG CONFIDENT FEMININITY:
Susan Beth of Strong Confident Femininity, is a boudoir photographer with a unique perspective. She photographs you how you want to be seen, instead of how you think your partner wants to see you. Because that’s the way you will feel best about your images and yourself. She celebrates the uniqueness and intimate beauty of your strong confident femininity with flattering, tasteful, and stunning boudoir photographs.