3 REASONS I’M A BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHER
So, exactly how did this nerdy, Christian, former lawyer end up becoming a Boudoir Photographer in Bozeman Montana? Let me tell you, it came about much more naturally than you might think. But it did take a lot of years and influences to get here.
BLAME IT ALL ON MY MOM!
Yes, you read that right! My mom was a huge influence in me becoming a boudoir photographer. She’s gone now, so she can’t confirm this accusation, but I swear it is true! And here is how she did it.
When I was young, and especially when I was going through puberty, my mom was very open and honest about women’s bodies in a positive and really beautiful way. Part of the continuing discussion was to gift me pretty lacy undies and tell me that it didn’t matter that others would not see my pretty panties, silky frilly chemise or red lace teddy, I would always know I had something beautiful under my clothes and that was a secret I could cherish. And believe me, I did!
The first chemise my mom gave me stayed in my collection well into my 40’s and long past when it did not fit me anymore. But the secret of what I had under my street clothes did empower me to think of myself as beautiful and feminine, even to this day.
That first chemise, and the feeling it gave me, continues to have a huge influence on me and my approach as a boudoir photographer - It is the basis of why I stress that doing a boudoir session should be first and primarily for you, and then for your partner as an extra thought. I received the gift of a healthy and happy perspective on my femininity, and I want that for other women. Which takes me to . . . .
2. JUDGMENTALISM PLAYED A ROLE IN DRIVING ME TOWARDS BOUDOIR
As embarrassing and complicated as it is to admit, as a 30-something I was a little judgmental of my peers and friends who somehow did not come into adulthood with an excitement about their sensual femininity. It is not that I rejected them, or looked down on them, but I had an abiding sense that they were missing out on something fantastic and that situation could be mended if they were open to it.
The fact was that I knew several women who felt that being sensual in any way was a burden placed upon them by men, and you know how women talk about such things! They did everything they could to avoid that burden as often as possible. It didn’t make sense to me, and I was worried that they were really missing out. But I also knew that these feelings came from complicated dynamics with themselves, self-esteem, their particular relationships, and often a growing up in households that did not proactively cultivate in them a sense of value of femininity.
And it hurt my heart to see that. While I didn’t look down on my friends, I wanted to “fix” them, which in it’s own way was a judgment that something was wrong with them. I’m embarrassed that I thought of them in that way. Who was I to determine that they needed fixing?
All of that sat with me for about 15 years. Then the concept of boudoir photography as a business model hit my radar screen. It fit right into my sense of wanting to promote a celebration of femininity and the beauty of the sensual female form. And I could offer it to those who wanted it without any judgment on those who did not.
Properly implemented, boudoir photography is indeed an amazing tool to cultivate and celebrate the sensual component of our femininity and I am so honored to be able to offer it to those who want what it can provide.
3. FAITH AND HOW IT DOVETAILS WITH BEING A BOUDOIR PHOTOGRAPHER
I make no secret about being a Christian, and while boudoir photography might not be the first thing many think of as coming out of Christianity, for me, my faith is super motivating towards empowering women to celebrate how they were created, appreciating the beauty of women, and recognizing the value of all women.
In my Christian world view, all humans are a creation of God, and all beauty is a glorification of God. Our sensual feelings and sensations were gifted us from God and they are beautiful!
Add to that my belief that art in general is an expression of worship - making beauty to glorify God. I see Boudoir Photography in particular as a beautiful form of worship, honoring the woman I’m photographing, and in many cases the promotion of a higher view of herself. Suddenly, this artform is a dynamic and powerful tool for women that honors God.
Additionally, it makes so much sense that if God created us, thinking ill of ourselves is not what He hopes for us. The culture has developed a self-critical ethos that is the opposite of what God wants, and in fact becomes a rejection of what He created us to be. Am I getting too theological for you yet? He loves us and wants our highest possible functioning in every part of our lives. So, I see boudoir photography as a way to help women see the beauty God created in them, knowing that when they do, the ripple effect of that recognition will empower so much more in their lives.
And the truth is, you don’t have to share my belief in God to get this benefit. That is a bit of a mystery to me, but I’ll take it for what it is, and keep doing what I do.
THERE ARE CRITICS OF WHAT I DO, BUT I DO IT ANYWAY
Honestly, the rewards of what I do out weight the difficult feelings that come when I encounter critics. And there are critics.
Even in my family there are women who frankly don’t approve and have talked to me about it. Fortunately, I have a family that can disagree about issues and still enjoy each other and have positive relationships.
Ironically, but not surprisingly, when I first began to dabble in boudoir photography (almost 4 years ago), one of the very friends who motivated me toward providing something to help women heal wounds and enjoy their sensuality - you guessed it, she objected to my activities. I admit, her words devastated me at first. I was so proud of my new found passion and the developing skills in the boudoir area, and then I had to call it all into question - Had I crossed a line?
I spoke to my husband about that criticism. I examined my motivations. I reviewed the education on how to do this work without objectifying women as sex objects. And I concluded that while I hoped and literally prayed that my friendship would not be lost, ultimately I would push forward with my mission because I knew it was the right thing for me to be doing.
And fortunately, that friendship has abided. She still doesn’t like what I do, but we just don’t talk about it.
Finally, there are critics in the community at large - Bozeman Montana and its surrounding area is not that big of a community, so it was bound to get back to me one way or another. I’ve had a family member of one of my clients call me and ask me to take down photos of their family member - despite the fact that the family member wanted them shared. I’ve had people question if my husband’s job as a judge should cause me to shut down my boudoir photographer career - we talked about it and decided no. And I know there are some people at church who, while superficially friendly, are a little skeptical of me and my career. Oh well! There are an equal or larger number of church members who know what I do and show zero bias against me because of it.
I handle these critic in the best way I know:
Listen to them if they are willing to speak respectfully;
Think about their objections and analyze if I believe they are making a point that should impact how I do business; and
Remind myself of the good that comes from what I do so that I know it is worth the criticism.
There will always be people who do not understand what I do or why I do it. That’s okay. I’m open to friendly conversation and questions, and I can be friends and family with people who do not buy into what I do as long as they respect me enough to be kind regardless of our differences.
So, now you know! This is why I am a boudoir photographer. It is an amazing career, and I am so appreciative of it.
A little side note: As a Boudoir Photographer, I’ve had the opportunity to hear stories from women of fears of harm and past negative experiences in this genre. Having a boudoir experience cause these feelings is antithetical to why I photograph boudoir. So, to help you know how to select a boudoir photographer who is safe for you, take a peek at this blog post about boudoir safety.